Elizabeth Hurley & Aran Nayar: Two Ceremonies; No Exes

One of the most talked about weddings in recent months was between Elizabeth Hurley and Arun Nayar in March 2007. Elizabeth, 41, is best known as an actress in films such as Austin Powers and Bedazzled, but she also recently launched a line of swim wear being sold through Saks Fifth Avenue and Harrods. Her new husband is the CEO of a software company.

Two Weddings Are Better Than One

The couple actually celebrated their wedding twice. First, they were married at Sudeley Castle in England. The elaborate wedding was said to cost around £2 million (just under $4 million USD). Hurley was walked down the aisle not by her father but by Elton John who is also the one of her son's godfathers. Although a number of British celebrities were in attendance, none of those guests included any of Hurley's ex-partners, including Hugh Grant who is also her son's godfather or Stephen Bing who is the father, or Nayar's ex-wife Valentina Pedroni, an Italian model.

After the British celebration, Elizabeth and Arun flew to India for a second wedding. Because Arun was raised in India, the couple decided to also be married in a Hindu ceremony at the Umaid Bhawan Palace in Jodhpur. Instead of a Western wedding gown, Elizabeth wore a traditional sari designed for her by Donatella Versace.

Clearly the costs of both weddings puts such festivities out of the reach of ordinary brides and grooms, but there's still something to be gained from their huge event. First, there's an important consideration more and more couples have to make today: should we invite ex-partners?

Ex-Partners Too?

Etiquette books don't always cover this properly because when those rules were written women and men were getting married early and didn't have time to develop significant relationships with other people. Clearly, that's no longer the case. Elizabeth's relationship with Hugh Grant, for example, lasted thirteen years. Arun was married to his ex-wife for six years. Other “regular” people have similar issues, including the parents of their children, their ex-spouses, etc.

In the case of Elizabeth and Arun, they decided not to invite their ex-partners because it would be too sad of an event for them, although that may not be the whole truth. Elizabeth's most recent ex, Stephen Bing, fought her about paternity of his son and Arun described his marriage to Pedroni as “mental torture” so there may be other reasons for keeping them off the guest list.

Etiquette dictates only that you let your ex-partners know about the wedding, usually by sending them an announcement. If you're still good friends with them, then you could invite them to the wedding and/or reception but only if it's acceptable to the new partner.

Second, since Elizabeth and Arun come from different cultures, it makes sense to have two different culture ceremonies. There's no reason other couples can do the same thing. In some cases, it's cheaper for the bride and groom to fly to another state or country for a second ceremony than it would be to fly in family members from a long distance. If you both have different religions, having separate weddings is a good way to show respect for each other's faith but also a nice way to show respect for one another's families.

Like Elizabeth and Arun, more couples are facing these challenging choices because they are waiting longer to get married and are often marrying people outside of their immediate culture. Neither trend is bad – in fact, they may even be good – but they do force some couples to make tough decisions.